Do something that scares you everyday.

-from "Saving Francesca", by Melina Marchetta

If you haven't read it, its a novel I read during my teenage years, which I quite liked. This was one of the things that stuck in my head after I read it. Its basically looks into the life of Francesca as she tackles year 11 in a new school. It deals with the usual teenage angst/issues, but it was told with humour and was nicely paced.

Its a reminder, for me, I guess to do things that we wouldn't normally do and takes risks occasionally and that we only live once. (that's my inspirational bit for the day) I did that today - I went out for drinks with the knowledge that I did not know anyone else there. For some people, that would be no big deal, but for me, that's the kind of thing that scares me and try to avoid at any cost. But I figured, its not going to be the last time I'll have to do something like that *having visions of big scary scientific conferences* and I get to see University House! Its a house on campus (obviously) that is a place for the academic community of the university to socialise. It reminded me of a club lounge, with the bar included. All it needed was the old professors wearing tweed suits :P and smoking cigars. I lasted 45 minutes!!! The awkward silences were getting too much for me. But its nothing against the people though - they were really nice - the problem was that I had no idea what they were talking about (they're from a completely different department) the only thing I could understand was their departmental gossip (who's going out with who, relationships within the department etc)...gossip is universal! Anyways, I wouldn't mind going back to university house, just to see what the rest of it is like :)

That was a pretty major scary thing for me, but I realised that going out of my comfort zone is very educational - I learn more about myself. But at the same time its draining, b/c it is so daunting and scary to go out of your comfort zone. But its worth it - I've gone out of my comfort zone more in the past year than in my entire life. But I wouldn't change a thing (I think).

Arrrrgh, it isn't just about jumping out of your comfort zone. Sometimes I just want to complain about something. Its so much better to rant than keep it inside, that's for sure. I'd implode. Apologies to all those who have to listen to it :)

At the moment, its scholarship applications. I'm having fun applying for scholarships to continue my PhD. Each one asks for slightly different things, and putting them all together is painful. Especially when you don't feel comfortable trying to promote what you do. But maybe practice will help this (I hope). Must think positive, at least you're not writing a grant, you're not writing a grant, you're not writing a grant....

But that's not what I'm complaining about. Its just that I've found out I don't have the files I need at home, so I have to go back to uni to make the necessary changes :P so basically just had a frustrated moment here in front of the computer at home. Oh well. An early start tomorrow...