Just had another session for my "Assertive communication for postgraduates" course. Just like last week, the two hours I spent in there raises a lot of issues to think about, which is all muddled in my head. I'm just a simple minded girl...
So first of all, a better definition of assertive communication is needed - the one in my last post was pretty crap:
...that complex of behaviors, emitted by a person in an interpersonal context, which express that person's feelings, attitudes, wishes, opinions or rights directly, firmly and honestly, while respecting the feelings, wishes, opinions and rights of the other person(s). Such behavior may include the expression of such emotions as anger, fear, caring, hope, joy, despair, indignance, embarrassment, but in any event is expressed in such a manner which does not violate the rights of others. Assertive behaviour is differentiated from aggressive behavior, which while expressive of one person's feelings, attitudes, wishes, opinions or rights, does not respect these characteristics in others. - "Principles for the ethical practice of assertive behaviour training" pp189. Alberti, R.E. and Emmons, M. L. (1975) Your Perfect Right. California: Impact Publishers.
That definition is much better and captures the essense of what assertive communication is and sets the tone for the course. Today we focused more on our fears - what prevented us from communicating assertively? Its easy to know that you have fears, but to actually define them is much, much harder! For everyone its slightly different, but I know for me, it was a fear of what other people will think of you, feeling embarassed, being worried about the consequences, and past experience in a similar situation. Well, to be honest, it varies for each situation, but those were the ones that I thought of at the time. We then did a role play of some situations where we need to be assertive, and dissected what was going through their mind as this was occuring. This is much harder than you think (thank god I wasn't the one who had to sit in the middle providing the situation) as the fear is more a feeling that isn't defined, but by defining the fear, it helps you face it a bit more rationally and see the situation in a different light. And even though I wasn't actively participating, I could empathise with the situation, and I thought to myself "I've been in that situation before, where I can't decide what to do, and there are all these conflicting voices in your head and you're feeling uncomfortable and embarassed and your anixety levels increase 100 fold every second." I was also thinking, "Wow, her voice of determination to speak assertively is within earshot - mine is outside the room and I don't hear it until the situation is over!" *lol*
This session was good because it helped define my fears that are holding me back from communicating assertively. The other good thing that was brought up was that this course is not a miracle cure where at the end of it, we'll be able to communicate assertively everytime. It will provide with the strategies to do it. It also pointed out that assertive communication can be the "right" way to go, but may bring consequences you don't want. We have to learn to accept the risk and the consequences. But its hard though, a thing could guilt (or is it regret?) gets in the way...or just the fact you keep thinking/obsessing about it...
:P These sessions are almost like self reflection sessions where you talk one on one with a therapist (who looks like Jack Devine *lol*), except you're in a group of strangers, with all different backgrounds, except you're united by the fact we're all postgraduates, and that we want to learn how to communicate assertively.
Oh, I also did a training course today to learn how to do a new technique for one of my experiments - and I fell asleep. Even coffee didn't save me. Go figure.
1 Comments:
Hmmm I sense that we may be very similar in regards to our problems with assertiveness and confidence. I'm so glad you're doing something about it... very inspiring. Keep writing about your progress, I feel as though I'm learning from it.
Take care,
Trav.
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